Dear Shenandoah Steve,
I would like to tell you a few things as our new life together begins, and because I LOVE lists, I will format this letter in such a fashion.
1) I love you. I really do. You brighten up my day by just being a part of our family. I love giving you belly rubs when you get all roley poley on the ground, I love giving you pets and snuggling with you while we relax at home. I love to take you on long walks and don't even mind when you sniff something every 30 seconds - literally, it's every 30 seconds - during our walks. I'm just ecstatic that I can give you a good home, with food and shelter and lots of love.
Even though I love you as much as I do, I have a few requests.
2) Barking in the middle of the night is not necessary when there isn't a masked murderer trying to break into our home. Seriously, barking for the sake of barking is just not required in order to be a part of our family. Like two nights ago, when we were trying to get some sleep at 2 in the morning, there really wasn't any need to be barking at the television, especially since it was turned off. And last night, after we had been sleeping for an hour, you don't need to bark in order to wake us up so you can check out the downstairs. I promise, it hasn't changed. It's the same as it was when you came upstairs. No one is waiting for you down there, the couch that you like to shed your entire coat on is still there. There aren't even any cars driving by that you can look at out the window downstairs. So sweetheart, no need to bark in the middle of the night.
3) You are quite a voluptuous doggie, and we are trying to make sure you get a good, healthy diet. This does not mean that you can jump up to the counter, pull down the treats your Dad just bought you and eat the entire bag of chicken strip treats. This is not so good for your girlish figure, and we want you to grow up to be a healthy pooch. Oh, and carrying the container of treats in your mouth upstairs to show us you like your treats is also not necessary. We know you like them. But still, you can't eat the entire bag or container.
Shenandoah Steve, that's it for now. Don't even forget we love you, but these are just a few things I thought you should know about.