Friday, February 23, 2007

Chemo Brain

MMG calls up crying - I'm going to attribute it to chemo brain. That what she has heard it called - the irrational mood swings, the crying for no reason, the ups and downs several all in one day. She's never been a good sick person but it's draining - there's no one else she wants to call or lean on. This is what happens when you are the only child of a widow. And there's nothing I can do. There were so many nights where I couldn't sleep, just praying for her approval of my move here, and start over. When we learned of the cancer, I thought I was going to have to move home, but N convinced me not to, unless it was absolutely necessary. He knows what would happen if I went back home. I finally stopped making myself stress to the point of being worried sick about her when I moved here, and it would start all over again. I'd end up back lying on some poor man's couch forcing myself to talk to some stranger who convinces me he knows what I'm feeling when I don't even know. I think I'm looking more forward to the treatments being over than she is. My happiness cannot depend on whether she is happy. I know she can't wait for me to come home. And I can't wait to see her happy.

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